The Christmas Invasion
According to the BBC Doctor Who Countdown, there is only 1 month, 3 days and 9 hours until Christmas! Unfortunately, the Golden Glow of this happy time has been dulled by the presence of an Alien Menace, guided by ruthless and emotionless machines.
I could still be talking about the New Series of Doctor Who and the next new episode "The Christmas Invasion", where the Cybermen invade Earth for some reason that will probably only make sense to them, but I'm actually talking about a more familiar and (most importantly) REAL threat that Humanity faces EVERY CHRISTMAS...
...Celebrity versions of Christmas Carols
Now, I am currently in the Employment of a shop known as Overflow (No, i'm not the giant frog) and Saturday unfortunately marked the first day that the Novelty Christmas CD was being played this year. Even more unfortunately, i was working for five hours that day, and so was subjected to 5 hours of lame "celebrities" (and I use the term LOOSELY) singing dodgy disco versions of Christmas Carols. This is wrong on more levels than i care to mention even if you AREN'T religiously inclined.
But what I marvel at the most is the thought process behind the production of these CD's. namely the fact that There Isn't One. What Person with an Actual Brain would think that people want to listen to those guys from N*SYNC who aren't Justin Timberlake singing a terrible version of a favourite christmas carol in a dodgy disco Style? No one wants to listen to those particular members of N*SYNC under normal circumstances. If anyone did they'd be doing as well as JT, the man whose initials now carry as much meaning as his actual name. But the brain (Once again using the term loosely) behind this horrible idea goes to even further lengths to prove that removing it from it's owner would raise the average intelligence of humankind by recording every such carol over the SAME DISCO BEAT. One song gradually turns into the next with no change in tempo or rythym. Only the lame celebrity doing the cover and the words of the song changes from track to track.
But the final unbelievable thing about these CD's is that they are released EVERY CHRISTMAS, which means that somewhere out there, someone must ACTUALLY BUY THEM. Because let's face it, music companies don't like to lose money (that's why they don't like MP3 Players or File Sharing), and therefore the only reason they'd release them is if someone was prepared to spend money on them. My theory is that it's the lame celebrities themselves buying these CD's up, reasoning that if enough of these CDs sell they may actually get a look in when something CREDIBLE comes up in the music world. Then again, if they've been on one of these CDs, I don't think they'll ever have a chance of being called 'Credible' again
I could still be talking about the New Series of Doctor Who and the next new episode "The Christmas Invasion", where the Cybermen invade Earth for some reason that will probably only make sense to them, but I'm actually talking about a more familiar and (most importantly) REAL threat that Humanity faces EVERY CHRISTMAS...
...Celebrity versions of Christmas Carols
Now, I am currently in the Employment of a shop known as Overflow (No, i'm not the giant frog) and Saturday unfortunately marked the first day that the Novelty Christmas CD was being played this year. Even more unfortunately, i was working for five hours that day, and so was subjected to 5 hours of lame "celebrities" (and I use the term LOOSELY) singing dodgy disco versions of Christmas Carols. This is wrong on more levels than i care to mention even if you AREN'T religiously inclined.
But what I marvel at the most is the thought process behind the production of these CD's. namely the fact that There Isn't One. What Person with an Actual Brain would think that people want to listen to those guys from N*SYNC who aren't Justin Timberlake singing a terrible version of a favourite christmas carol in a dodgy disco Style? No one wants to listen to those particular members of N*SYNC under normal circumstances. If anyone did they'd be doing as well as JT, the man whose initials now carry as much meaning as his actual name. But the brain (Once again using the term loosely) behind this horrible idea goes to even further lengths to prove that removing it from it's owner would raise the average intelligence of humankind by recording every such carol over the SAME DISCO BEAT. One song gradually turns into the next with no change in tempo or rythym. Only the lame celebrity doing the cover and the words of the song changes from track to track.
But the final unbelievable thing about these CD's is that they are released EVERY CHRISTMAS, which means that somewhere out there, someone must ACTUALLY BUY THEM. Because let's face it, music companies don't like to lose money (that's why they don't like MP3 Players or File Sharing), and therefore the only reason they'd release them is if someone was prepared to spend money on them. My theory is that it's the lame celebrities themselves buying these CD's up, reasoning that if enough of these CDs sell they may actually get a look in when something CREDIBLE comes up in the music world. Then again, if they've been on one of these CDs, I don't think they'll ever have a chance of being called 'Credible' again
posted by Joe at 3:11 PM
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