Octogenerian Onslaught!
BEWARE!
There is a new danger on the streets! Forget speeding, driving under the influence or P-platers, the newest terror to hit our streets is none other than OLD LADIES IN COMMODORES!
That's right, whilst i was driving on wednesday, L-plates clearly visible, i was viciously run down by one such old lady. No, don't laugh, it was vicious. And lets not make jokes like "Jeez Joe, you only would have had thirty years to get out of her way" etc etc, it was all done by my wodnerful girlfriend and friends, who were all more worried about the car than me. Granted, nothing was wrong with me, but nothing was wrong with the car either. Anyway, here's the story:
I was innocently driving along, L-plates clearly visible. It was a magical day, butterflies dancing, sun shining, children playing innocently in the streets. I pulled up at the lights at willows, put the car in neutral and the handbrake on. At thsi isntant, everyone sent me telepathic mesages of support and encouragement, and all was right in the world.
But then i checked my rear-vision mirror and saw a horrific sight. The children who had ocne been playing so innocently were lying by the road, bruised and bleeding, feasting on each others flesh. The sun had been covered by dark clouds, and a foul wind was blowing. And what of the dancing butterflies? They had all been splattered against the windshield, of the fiery demon old lady parked behind me, her Commodore covered in blood and butterguts. She had grown tired of the countless jokes about her age and stereotypes that society was forcing on her, and she was PISSED OFF!
I panicked! I put the car in gear and prepared to take off, but traffic in front of me was too heavy as they struggled to get out of the old lady's way...the old lady put her food solidly on the pedal, and my happy driving lesson ended as i was flung forward to my doom...
That's the whole truth. I swear it happened that way. Well obviously there was no "DOOM" component, because i'm still here typing this. But everything else is true! And there are more of them out there, waiting to feast on the flesh of Learner drivers like you and me! So run down pedestrians while you still can, because you never know when the Octogenerians may strike again!
There is a new danger on the streets! Forget speeding, driving under the influence or P-platers, the newest terror to hit our streets is none other than OLD LADIES IN COMMODORES!
That's right, whilst i was driving on wednesday, L-plates clearly visible, i was viciously run down by one such old lady. No, don't laugh, it was vicious. And lets not make jokes like "Jeez Joe, you only would have had thirty years to get out of her way" etc etc, it was all done by my wodnerful girlfriend and friends, who were all more worried about the car than me. Granted, nothing was wrong with me, but nothing was wrong with the car either. Anyway, here's the story:
I was innocently driving along, L-plates clearly visible. It was a magical day, butterflies dancing, sun shining, children playing innocently in the streets. I pulled up at the lights at willows, put the car in neutral and the handbrake on. At thsi isntant, everyone sent me telepathic mesages of support and encouragement, and all was right in the world.
But then i checked my rear-vision mirror and saw a horrific sight. The children who had ocne been playing so innocently were lying by the road, bruised and bleeding, feasting on each others flesh. The sun had been covered by dark clouds, and a foul wind was blowing. And what of the dancing butterflies? They had all been splattered against the windshield, of the fiery demon old lady parked behind me, her Commodore covered in blood and butterguts. She had grown tired of the countless jokes about her age and stereotypes that society was forcing on her, and she was PISSED OFF!
I panicked! I put the car in gear and prepared to take off, but traffic in front of me was too heavy as they struggled to get out of the old lady's way...the old lady put her food solidly on the pedal, and my happy driving lesson ended as i was flung forward to my doom...
That's the whole truth. I swear it happened that way. Well obviously there was no "DOOM" component, because i'm still here typing this. But everything else is true! And there are more of them out there, waiting to feast on the flesh of Learner drivers like you and me! So run down pedestrians while you still can, because you never know when the Octogenerians may strike again!
posted by Joe at 11:02 PM
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