I'm on my way....

Hey!

Well I'll be off to Brisbanein a few short hours, then onto New Zealand on Wednesday. Im just here to say Merry Christmas to you all, Happy New Year, and the current max temperature in new Zealand is 24 degrees Celsius.

Enjoy yourselves while i'm gone!

Hey hey we're the Monkeys! Some People say we Rule The World!

Well, I'll be off to New Zealand shortly, to spend Christmas with my relatives over there, particularly my cousins, who turn 18 and 21 within a few days either side of Christmas. Hence I shall be bleary eyed, incoherent, and grumpy when I return, as a result of being simultaneously jet-lagged, bored and hungover during my flight.

Why will I be bored? Because I will not be allowed to play my PSP on the aeroplane back. This however, will not be a problem, as no-one got me one for christmas anyway. Therefore, Ben and I will be completely indistinguishable from each other to the eyes of Damian if I am not wearing a Hat, which I wont be, as no-one has given me one of those either! This will also lend credit to John's theory. Not the one about the monkeys, the one about Ben and I being the same person. The monkey one is obviously true. Prove to me that the world isn't controlled by the flying monkeys and I'll give you a free dinner at Cactus Jack's. Or I would, if anyone got me one for Christmas.

Speaking of Monkey Control, apparently the entire of New Zealand has gone monkey-crazy over the release of Peter Jackson's King Kong, which was of course filmed and edited in (and, I don't doubt, will be viewed the most in) New Zealand. People are ringing up and making Monkey noises over the radio, which proves two things about New Zealanders:

1. They Don't think about Sheep all the time and;

2. Despite this, they are obviously still as silly as we think they are.

The Sheep are reportedly very jealous, and are looking to take up arms (or at least, very woolly front legs) against our monkey overlords (The actual Monkies, not the New Zealanders). The whole world could be turned on it's head should this rebellion succeed. I mean really, who wants to be lead by a bunch of Sheep? Everyone! Arm yourselves and come with me to New Zealand, where we shall fight to defend our Primate brothers and leaders! We must succeed! We must not fail our Monkey Leaders! To Arms people! Two Arms!

It'll make up for not buying me the PSP

Octogenerian Onslaught!

BEWARE!

There is a new danger on the streets! Forget speeding, driving under the influence or P-platers, the newest terror to hit our streets is none other than OLD LADIES IN COMMODORES!

That's right, whilst i was driving on wednesday, L-plates clearly visible, i was viciously run down by one such old lady. No, don't laugh, it was vicious. And lets not make jokes like "Jeez Joe, you only would have had thirty years to get out of her way" etc etc, it was all done by my wodnerful girlfriend and friends, who were all more worried about the car than me. Granted, nothing was wrong with me, but nothing was wrong with the car either. Anyway, here's the story:

I was innocently driving along, L-plates clearly visible. It was a magical day, butterflies dancing, sun shining, children playing innocently in the streets. I pulled up at the lights at willows, put the car in neutral and the handbrake on. At thsi isntant, everyone sent me telepathic mesages of support and encouragement, and all was right in the world.

But then i checked my rear-vision mirror and saw a horrific sight. The children who had ocne been playing so innocently were lying by the road, bruised and bleeding, feasting on each others flesh. The sun had been covered by dark clouds, and a foul wind was blowing. And what of the dancing butterflies? They had all been splattered against the windshield, of the fiery demon old lady parked behind me, her Commodore covered in blood and butterguts. She had grown tired of the countless jokes about her age and stereotypes that society was forcing on her, and she was PISSED OFF!

I panicked! I put the car in gear and prepared to take off, but traffic in front of me was too heavy as they struggled to get out of the old lady's way...the old lady put her food solidly on the pedal, and my happy driving lesson ended as i was flung forward to my doom...

That's the whole truth. I swear it happened that way. Well obviously there was no "DOOM" component, because i'm still here typing this. But everything else is true! And there are more of them out there, waiting to feast on the flesh of Learner drivers like you and me! So run down pedestrians while you still can, because you never know when the Octogenerians may strike again!

My Christmas Wish List

Well, it's that time again! A time of Year when everyone should be feeling thankful for what they have, but all they really feel is that they haven't got enough. So, in the spirit of The Ghost of Christmas Presents (that sentence counts as a double pun, who can tell me why>?), here is MY Christmas wish list, in no real order of preference.

1. A Cape. Super Genius Boy (A.K.A Ben...sorry to spoil your secret identity) has one, and i have truly wanted a cape since the moment i was born. I really, really want a cape, it would be so cool to have one!
2. A Parker Pen. Ben also has one of these and seems to be incredibly impressed with it. I want one just to see what all the fuss is about. Failing this, i wish to be friends with Lori and Manda in the hope that one day they shall send me such awesome presents too.
3. A really cool Hat. Like a Mexican hat, or a Top hat or some such thing. Preferably one that goes with the cape i shall be receiving.
4. NOT MICHAELA! Michaela, you put yourself on this list and I'm going to go further than taking you off. I'm going to make it clear that I never, ever wish to receive you as a present of any kind.
5. Cool Stuff! As Ben said, it's impossible really to describe exactly what "Cool stuff" is. But i shall try anyway. It's the stuff that has no practical purpose and you know you will never use, but amuses you no end on Christmas day and beyond. For instance, my Tonka Truck. I was the proud recipient of this Truck on my brithday this year. I will never take it out of the box, but its just such an awesome present. That's what "Cool Stuff" is. So get me some. Please
6. World Peace. umm.....Harmony and good will among men, etc etc. You know, that sort of stuff. It has to at least make an appearance on the list or i feel selfish.
7. An end to celebrity covers of christmas carols.
8. Some sort of voucher that would give me an unlimited number of visits to Cactus jack's. Failing that, someone should buy me dinner at Cactus Jack's.
9. A better job. By which i mean a much more interesting job. One where i get to talk to people, rather than sit alone by myself pricing. Ah, the lonely life of an overflow worker.
10. A PSP. One of the kids at drama has one. He's 10. You know, if all my friends banded together and put in what they would spend on me anyway, i'm sure it would more than cover a PSP. or at leas buy me a PSP game. That'd force me to save up for a PSP to play the damned thing.

And so that's my Christmas wish list. I hope everyone is taking notes!